i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Star Trek #meta #nsfw text? #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #amnesia cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
When I return a library book, I make sure to walk there holding it in my hands instead of in my bag. This is enrichment before it gets returned to the cold limbo of the stacks
omg I didn’t realize that
Thank you to all the librarians and library workers chiming in:
#libraries #adorable #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”this is why you should never get only one book”) #unreality cw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
i love the french, i love the way they pronounce Rs like they’re disgusted with them
the english meanwhile seem to have developed some sort of phobia about them
When we were discussing the surgery I’d need for my sleep apnea, the surgeon told me I’d never be able to speak French properly because the French R is a uvular sound and I’d no longer have a uvula.
… that’s okay? I’m not French? I don’t speak French? I’ve always thought it was the weirdest thing for him to say!
Huh. Didn’t know you could have French surgically removed.
sorry i just cannot get this out of my head. Like, “oh you speak french? i hear there’s an operation for that”
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #language #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #medical cw? #injury cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
AK-47 Type 1 (based on Avtomat Kalashnikova pattern, chambered in 7.62x39mm)
You can tell it’s a Type 1 (one of the original production models of the classic AK-47) by the following traits:
Some people believe that the AK-47’s loose tolerances make it more resilient to malfunction if it gets dirty, which isn’t really all that true. It is, however, a firearm that functions fairly well on very little maintenance.
Which, that’s impossible for a cat, of course. So definitely a gun and not a cat.
hey nice work! we were just about to go rob a bank with her
Tags:
#guns #cats #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Hermit crab, but it’s a soul that moves to bigger and bigger discarded bodies as it grows
why’re y’all leaving all the good stuff in the comments
Tags:
#story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Star Seeker #art #comics #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
If you believe the news, these days, it’s never been easier to get murdered. Everyone is waiting to snuff you out. Even suburbs are roiling apocalyptic zones that mandate you buy a very expensive security system and an up-armoured luxury SUV. A road trip is completely out of the question. After all, who knows what kind of whackos are out there?
To answer this question, we became those whackos. No, we didn’t serial kill, or even parallel kill anyone. What we did was load up the old ‘72 Toyota Crown wagon with a bunch of spare oil and parts and hit the road. We wanted to figure out if the world really was all that dangerous, and to prove it, we stayed at only the sketchiest bed and breakfasts across New England.
Things got off to a bad start. You see, the coterie of folks that I usually travel with are not exactly the most refined individuals. Because a lot of us were raised entirely by junkyards and our parents’ respective parole officers (thanks Joerg) we have trouble “fitting into” the conventional structure of society. That wouldn’t stop a serial killer, of course, who would surely prey on at least one of our group as we slept soundly inside Maryland’s least rat-infested rustic cabin.
No such luck. In fact, it turns out that the proprietors were afraid of us. They had been conditioned by the news, you see, and spent the entire night sleeping in shifts, wondering when we would burst through their bedroom door, looking for jewelry that we could hock for money to afford a Holley carburetor rebuild kit. Little did they know that the Crown was in fact running a diesel engine out of a Cuban grey-market lawn tractor, and also that we had no intention of ruining the experiment by trying to cause trouble.
That first morning, we parted, each group wary of the other. The experiment could not continue: it was likely that we would encounter the same problem the entire way up the Old Bay Expressway. We knew what had to happen next. After driving at high speed, we arrived at the local TV station, barely shaven and ready to pitch our new fear-based “action news” program. The audience would surely believe ridiculous lies coming from disgusting dirtbags like ourselves, our crude language and 10w40-stained visages lending our dire warnings extra authenticity.
“Folks,” I began, in my most folksy voice, “you gotta get rid of any old Mopar parts you have on your property. They were made by sleeper-agent Communist agitators working with the Y2K bug. Send them to me for destruction.”
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #storytime #unreality cw? #murder cw? #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
philosophically i’m against abusing the drawbacks systems in rpgs by looking for drawbacks that don’t actually impair you but the temptation is so strong sometimes. yeah my character is anosmic and ageusic. yeah this is enough to buy me a +4 to every social interaction roll.
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #games #fun with loopholes #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
We need a president who is a tumblrina btw. I think that would fix us. Both the US and Tumblr.
But then how would they respond if someone tells them they like their shoelaces?
try and take them
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #home of the brave #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 