some of my favorite animorphs moments, in no particular order [1/?]
Tags:
#Animorphs #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
really fucked up that the kids in animorphs went onto a construction site without appropriate PPE
Will fight you
that would also be a violation of safety standards
They don’t work there, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration has no power over them!
They were literally recruited there!
You show me one goddamn paycheck they received from Elfangor!
Tags:
#Animorphs #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what
Marco lounged in the shady side of the clearing. From where he sat he could see Rachel practicing back handsprings, her hair tied back in a neat bun. Ax was on the far side of the clearing, grazing. Jake was holed up in one of the huts, probably thinking of their next big move. Cassie was inspecting a baby bird that Tobias had spotted on the ground earlier that day, and was preparing to return it to its tree. Tobias was perched in the tree above Marco, searching for a new meal, since his had been taken by the law of Cassie’s eminent domain.
Marco was BORED.
“Okay bird-boy, gather everyone up. I have an idea.”
<It is a good idea?> Tobias asked.
“All of my ideas are good. It’s the execution that sometimes goes awry.”
<Alright, I’ll tell everyone they’re wanted for an execution,> Tobias said, swooping over Marco’s head as he flew off.
Tags:
#Animorphs #fanfic #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #fun with shapeshifting
Oh, God. It was time to go down to the Yeerk pool again. They had really beefed up security lately, and I hadn’t been able to sneak out of a cage in weeks. A Taxxon stood constant guard at the door of each cage, and those are not easy fellows to sneak past.
But I had been ‘upgraded’ with a universal translator, so I was able to understand and communicate with any alien now. Occasionally Hork-Bajir were mixed in the cages with humans, and I found it nice to chat with them. I found out that they’re actually herbivores, and that the pool complex housed an enormous greenhouse in order to supply them with the necessary supply of tree bark that made up the majority of their diet. The amount of money, energy, and man hours that this must consume were unfathomable.
But today I found no one interesting to talk to inside the cage, and instead resorted to eavesdropping on the Taxxon who was guarding us. He was complaining to another Taxxon about the water quality in their barracks.
“Every time I go in there the whole place smells like hessstle meat. Drives my host crazy,” the first Taxxon was saying. I should clarify that the universal translator doesn’t always translate every word. It usually leaves out the more colorful language.
“It’s that ssshestisss filter. Never gets changed,” his companion replied.
“It’s not like it’s hard to do,” the first one complained. “It’s just that you have to get a human host to pick it up the replacement from the store. Everyone gets a human and suddenly they’re too good to run errands for the lowly Taxxon controllers.”
“I could help,” I piped up. I don’t know why I say these things. They just come out of my mouth faster than I can stop them. Both Taxxons turned to me.
Tags:
#Animorphs #fanfic #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #kidnapping cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what
Look. Meetings of the Sharing apparently involve a lot of volleyball, as we know from mentions in #1, #10, Visser, and #31.
Volleyball is a dangerous sport. Volleyball injuries happen. Volleyball accidents frequently result in severed limbs. We know this from the dozens — no, hundreds — of recorded cases of this exact phenomenon occurring, almost all of them in one town in Southern California. Statisticians have hypothesized that this may have to do with the extent to which one particular local organization uses regional variations on the standard rules of volleyball, but all attempts at participant observation have resulted in the social scientists who joined the Sharing abruptly dropping the project and going in new directions with their lives.
Currently, warning labels on volleyball equipment indicate that its use has a 15% chance of resulting in serious injury and/or death. Factoid is actually a statistical error. The Sharing’s inter-chapter volleyball league, which loses an average of 41.7% of its members per month to volleyball-related amputations and murders, is an outlier and should not have been counted.
“social scientists who joined the Sharing”
That sounds like an excellent way to live in a constant state of terror and fascination; being a human social scientist who is infested and watching the mess that is the Visserarchy from terrifyingly close, and thinking that that either you’ll either never be able to share your findings (if you die or the Yeerks win), or be at the edge of any entirely new edge of social science.
This is basically my entire life. Too accurate. Make it stop.
Imagine being a yeerk inside a newly captured social scientist watching them passively eviscerate every aspect of your primitive 30-year-old military culture down to its component parts, every conclusion basically being “these guys suck at everything they’re doing and are struggling desperately to make sure their underlings don’t realise that”
<Stop it! Stop thinking! Stop trying to shake my loyalty!>
<I can’t! This is what I was trained to do! You don’t like it, stop reading my mind!>
<I CAN’T!>
*Visser Three starts speaking*
<And this one’s intimidation tactics have gone far, far beyond useful and are greatly crippling his own forces; not sure yet whether it’s pure unchecked sadism or insecurity and distraction as a result of – >
<SHUT UP!!>
“VISSER I NEED A NEW HOST, THIS ONE IS BROKEN.”
<It sounds like you’re the broken one.>
“PUH-LEEEAAAASSSSEEEE, I’M BEGGING YOU! I’LL EVEN GO IN A TAXXON OR GEDD, JUST MAKE IT STOP!”
post war someone is going to have an amazing dissertation “Perverse incentives in authoritarian systems, a first(ish) person case study”
Tags:
#Animorphs #fanfic #violence cw #death tw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the newly captured social scientist) #my past self has good taste
I think one of them was Siblings Without Rivalry, but I don’t know if that was the one with the ice-throwing story. I just read the first chapter because it was free on Amazon and I’m kind of alarmed I read it as a small child; it’s all about horrific intrafamily bullying and parents talking about how much witnessing this makes them hate their kids. Then again, I’ve repeatedly had the experience over the last few years of going ‘wow I read what when I was seven’ (Animorphs, yikes) so maybe small children are just actually pretty resilient.
Huh, interesting. I tend to have the opposite experience: “wait, *this* was enough to terrify me when I was seven?” (There are a few episodes of mid-series Red Dwarf like that. They were trying to play the suspense for laughs, but back then I reacted as if it were played straight.)
It’s kind of comforting to see how I’ve improved. I tend to think of myself as fairly psychologically fragile, but compared to child!me I’m a goddamn juggernaut.
(it’s…probably for the best I never read Animorphs)
Tags:
#I did read a parenting book my parents had lying around when I was about nine #I don’t recall its specific problems #–and there may not have been anything specific so much as a general aura– #but I thought it was rather patronising and offensive #(as I had suspected it would be) #reply via reblog #my childhood #Animorphs #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see
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