Gambling on auto racing is practically unheard of. Horses, yes. Dogs, absolutely. Boats, you bet. NASCAR? Not really. This confused me, until I did a quick web search, and then saw that there were indeed skeezy gambling operations that would take bets on virtually anything under the sun.
This all makes sense. As a bookie, you don’t really care what you are facilitating the betting on, so much as you care that there is a clear winner and a lot of clear losers. It may also be in your best professional interest to not offer betting on things that are considered sacrosanct, such as child beauty pageants, lest the collective anger of society be focussed upon your person.
Autocross, then, is the perfect venue for a bit of money-changing, or at least it would be if anyone bet on it. So, like any other scam, I had to bring in some new blood. Here’s the secret: casinos are full of people who love to gamble, and don’t need much of a push. Certainly it is distasteful, but not particularly illegal, as long as the casino boss doesn’t notice that you are trying to work his flock on his territory. Also, the parking lot is usually full of some really primo mid-1990s Toyotas that are hanging onto life by a thread.
Now, the real secret is to not bet on myself. Although you could argue that this constituted “throwing” an event, investigators soon found that I had no chance in hell of ever getting anywhere close to the top 20 of any event, even those with 19 or fewer competitors. Suckers: through savvy planning and analysis of my foes, I soon made no less than seven dollars profit.
Tags:
#unreality cw #storytime #gambling #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
I first visited the Rismel Tower with my father when I was about 10. It wasn’t my first time out of the country, but it was the first time I’d visited the Risilon Archipelago. It’s a beautiful place, warm all year round, with incredible beaches, and the night sky with the Eye of Rusella directly above your head is one of the most amazing sights you can see. It’s easy to understand why the Risiloni thought of themselves as the destined rulers of the world for so long, with the Eye gazing down directly on them like that. And why they tended to be religious to the point of superstition long after most of the rest of the world had rejected the idea of theocracy. Even today, the Risiloni worship of Rusella is… well, let’s just say they have more temples per square hundredbody than anywhere else in the world, and there are serious political discussions undertaken from time to time as to what Rusella truly wants of them.
It’s also easy to understand why they thought of themselves as the political center of the world, when they are in fact at the geologic center of the world. The Risilon Archipelago sits in the bottom of the Bowl, the lowest point on Rusella-side. However, it’s not actually true that the Rismel Tower is literally at the lowest point in the world; if it was, we’d lose the entire ocean to Sister-side, because the lowest point in the world, by definition, has to be below sea level. It’s not even at the lowest point of the land; there are places in Risilon that are actually below sea level, and they use dams, dykes and pumps to keep those places from flooding. Risilon is an underwater mountain range, like most archipelagos, and some of the mountains are taller than others. The hub island of Pelagi is actually about twenty bodies above sea level in most places, and the rampart they built around the Rismel Tower is another twenty bodies. So even in the case of a tsunami, it’s unlikely that significant amounts of water could flood into the Rismel Cavern.
From the outside, the Rismel Tower doesn’t actually look all that impressive. It’s about twenty stories high, standing over the ramparts of the Rismel Cavern, but from the outside of course the cavern doesn’t look impressive either. My dad and I came in through the side that isn’t covered by the rampart, the main entrance. The atrium is beautiful, a soaring ceiling five stories up over a polished, reflective obsidian floor, with the forward walls made entirely of glass. Of course, the back and side walls have no windows because they’re buried in the rampart.
The elevator we took to the roof was entirely mundane, a traditional high-speed elevator like you’d find in any skyscraper, but I was so excited, it felt to me like something new and magical. When we reached the roof, the sun was already setting, and I could see the Eye of Rusella glowing down at us. My father had always told me it was only a nebula, but I felt sure I could feel some kind of presence looking down at me. After all, I’d always been told someone had built the world, so why not Rusella?
When I went to the edge of the roof, and looked down, I could see the Rizmel Cavern below us, a deep cavernous pit, and the faint glow of light at the bottom, so far away. I shivered, imagining what would happen if I fell. Which I couldn’t do, there were nets, but as a child I’m not sure I knew that. I thought I’d fall forever, that I’d go out the bottom and all the way out into space. I learned later in school that gravity doesn’t work that way; I might fall out the bottom from the momentum, but gravity would pull me right back in, and eventually I’d end up stabilizing at the center, after falling forward and backward multiple times.
attack of the clones leaves plausible room to theorize that there’s a raging death stick addiction epidemic going on in the jedi temple, and by “plausible room” i mean that i personally can overthink star wars faster than a hummingbird can beat its wings
in attack of the clones, obi-wan is approached by a drug dealer in a bar, and is offered death sticks for purchase. this immediately after anakin (the least helpful individual in space) helpfully shouts JEDI BUSINESS, BACK TO YOUR DRINKS and obi-wan is wearing distinctive jedi robes and is carrying a lightsaber, which even a slave kid (anakin, when he was more helpful) from the rural portion of the galaxy could recognize.
factor to note: the jedi are here in an enforcement capacity, they are actively chasing a criminal. the jedi clearly have the legal capacity to operate as law enforcement, although i doubt they operate as local coruscant law enforcement. but they are still quite literally government contracted law enforcement wizard monks, and death sticks are implied to be an illegal substance, and given the context of the bar, we can assume they’re a party drug.
drug dealers do not typically go “would you like to buy drugs” to random people, especially people very obviously in uniform, carrying a weapon, here (which everyone knows, thanks to anakin) on official business. official business that involves law enforcement, because that is obi-wan’s job, he is literally stopping a hired assassin. so what we can assume is that this guy is either really dumb, really high, both, or that he has an active market of jedi who buy death sticks from him, and that market is so stable he is bold enough to walk up to random jedi #5 and offer him illegal drugs. hence, there might be a solid number of jedi doing death sticks.
factor to note: it’s mentioned in the prequels that the force was growing darker, more clouded and more hostile for the jedi to use. in legends, it’s said that death sticks could hamper a user’s ability to touch the force, so you could connect the two and say that death stick usage spiked because the force had really, really awful vibes suddenly. and then you send THAT vulnerable population, where they become MORE vulnerable.i can wring all of this out of a one-off gag scene, you have no idea what kind of insane thoughts about star wars i can make up.
Genius.
That, or it was just Obi-Wan’s dealer.
Tags:
#Star Wars #meta #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #drugs cw
rb and put in tags how many ppl your tumblr icon has killed
My old one was a surrealist painting that symbolized the horrors of the Spanish civil war, so that one was probably a lot, but tumblr’s anti-porn algorithm apparently thought two-headed monsters strangling themselves were too sexy, so I had to replace it with some melting clocks, which I sure hope don’t have a body count.
Tags:
#my icon produces oxygen and as such has killed negative numbers of people #memes #icons #death tw? #murder cw?
#I find it interesting that all of the tag-based comments are like ”aww infodumping besties/gfs” #while the reply-based comments are about equally split between that and ”wait the Kazgars did *what*” #possibly I am ruining the effect by reblogging this when my reaction was very much in the ”wait the Kazgars did *what*” camp‚ but anyway #comics #art #Val and Isaac #the plot thickens
Me @ my mutuals who are in different fandoms and post about it a lot
Tags:
#one of my mutuals just got into Lupin III so I have been feeling this a lot #I will probably reblog some of the more appreciable-out-of-context bits during my next round of tab tidying
You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”
Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don’t have the sheath thing
this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again
Enter AERUH and MALUS SYL-VESTRIS, a pair of JESTERS.
AERUH I tell thee, rosemary is like a pine but with a spicy taste.
MALUS Art thou to claim that needles base of pine have not a spice?
AERUH A needle base of pine is merely base.
MALUS ‘Tis not when held, comparing, to anthos.
AERUH My dearest Malus, needles thou’st eaten?
MALUS How many moons have we as friends seen rise? How many suns have we as friends seen set? Thou sixteen seasons in my heart I’ve held, and hope that I in thine hast been the same. With brotherhood as rich and old as this, thou needst not ask me such frivolities.
AERUH I know thou likely has, to tell the truth, but I would not assume.
MALUS Well, yes, I have. A multitude of types I’ve eaten too. I’ll tell thee now: the best (though it is strange) is single-leaf pinyon.
AERUH And it has spice?
MALUS I truly wish that I could tell thee this, but now, i’faith, I cannot fully tell, the difference in classifying thus: to say “has spice” or merely “herbal strength”.
AERUH To tell this tale most clearly it would seem that eating needles from a pine’s required.
MALUS Aye, it would seem that that’s the task at hand, but caution tells that this is what’s to do: eat only needles of the honest pine, and none of lying leaf with pinelike shape.
AERUH I’ll eat them all.
MALUS I prithee, stay thyself.
AERUH Roulette with leaves.
MALUS At least restrain from yew.
AERUH I’ll do my best.
MALUS That is all can we do. The scholars tell that needles true of pine can be distinguished from the lying yew by sheathlike clothing all along the base; the yew has no such guard.
AERUH With this new truth I now will venture out into the wood and seek the pines and pinelike fakes alike to stare them down and learn their secret truths.
MALUS With this thou canst at long and weary last Discover for thyself my life’s own path.
Exeunt.
Enter MACDUFF.
MACDUFF. Yo dudes that king there’s dead. Like dead as FUCK.
Tags:
#food #poison cw #Shakespeare #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #juxtaposition #death tw?
Brinens and Things 