tyrantisterror:

David Attenborough: And here we have the father lion with his newfound cub. This male has sired many young with his pride, but only this season has he produced a male. He will teach the young lion all he knows, before it grows up to make a pride of his own. Right now the father shows his cub the extent of their territory, an important fact for any lion to learn.
-later-
David Attenborough: It is highly unusual for two male lions to share a territory, but the bond between these two is strong. Though leaner and bearing more scars than his stronger brother, the second male has an important role to play, patrolling the outer bounds of their shared territory.
-later-
David Attenborough: The mutually beneficial relationship between hornbills and lions is not extensively documented, and in fact this documentary is the first evidence of such a relationship ever recorded. It is, however, not unheard of for a clever bird to ally with packhunting mammals, as crows will do the same with wolves a continent over.
-later-
David Attenborough: The scarred male lion may have bitten off more than it can chew, having stumbled into a truly enormous pack of hyenas. Extraordinarily large, in fact, there may well be more than a hundred individuals in this family group. The hyenas, however, show… deference? to the lion, and … are… are they goose-stepping? Well, it would appear they are acting out a choreographed homage to the film-making of Leni Riefenstahl, and all at the apparent command of one of their natural competitors. Fascinating.
-later-
David Attenborough: As the male lion clings to dear life, who arrives but his brother, the loyal second in command of the pride. Surely a boon for our new fath- oh. Oh, that looked almost calculated. But we must remember that such cruelty is only practiced by men, and that lions probably aren’t very skilled at helping each other climb up cliffs, given their lack of thumbs.
-later-
David Attenborough: Orphaned and separated from his pack, the young male lion is likely due to die. But what’s this? A warthog in a mutually beneficial symbiosis with a meercat has adopted the cub. Strange, yes, but perhaps this warthog is acting on misplaced affection, as animals that have lost young of their own may sometimes adopt children of other species. This warthog may have been a young moth- oh, no, that’s a dick and balls. Well… huh.
-later-
David Attenborough: Somehow, despite subsisting entirely on insects for years, our young cub has managed to grow into a fully healthy male lion. We can only attribute this success to a mixture of luck and determination.
-later-
David Attenborough: Now we see the courtship dance of the lions. Notice how… holy shit, that lioness is giving him bedroom eyes. Wait, what’s that music? Is… is that Elton John?
-later-
David Attenborough: As the young lion survives is encounter with the wild mandrill, it takes a moment to reflect by… hold on… hold on, in the sky, is that… is that a fucking ghost? Is that a lion ghost? What the fuck is going on in this savannah?

Tags:

#Lion King #fanfic #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what