For beautiful plants and flowers that don’t require sunlight or water check out the work of Ithaca, NY-based artist Owen Mann, whose handmade ceramic succulents and blooms will never ever wilt.
Tags:
#but before I go #plants #sculpture #art #pretty things
I spent so much fucking time trying to figure out how to translate eat me to make this joke and it probably isn’t even correct don’t look at me
Tags:
#language #food #puns #(I have absolutely no idea whether the translation is correct but I appreciate the effort) #Pi Day #now if you’ll excuse me I need to go eat some pie
so tonight I’m at synagogue, listening to the Purim Night reading of the Book of Esther, like you do
and near the end of this chapter my brain presents me with the following:
nooooo ooooone plots like Haman calls the shots like Haman plans a genocide by casting lots like Haman
(It only works with the Hebrew pronunciation of Haman, which, like Gaston, is accented on the second syllable.)
By the time we get home my brain has added:
for there’s none so well-favored and kingly yes, we all can be certain of that he’s so rich that his pockets are jingly and he looks really sharp in a three-cornered hat
*face in hands*
Petition to sing this every year at Purim.
I shared this with my dad, and he added:
No one’s spruce as Haman, Nor abstruse as Haman; No one’s half as good tying a noose as Haman! He’ll use gallows in all of his decorating! No one else hangs as well as Haman!
do the hogwarts cafeteria tables have a restriction on who’s allowed to get coffee? i want to believe there’s safety measures in place to make sure ravenclaws don’t get a six cups a day habit before they hit puberty but this is a school that encourages its students to play high-speed flying murderball so
yeah no this is hogwarts aka murder high
pretty sure the slytherins could be doing cocaine off the desks in potions class without getting in trouble, and hufflepuffs definitely sell weed out of the greenhouses
gryffindors, of course, only get high on righteousness and violence
Tags:
#Harry Potter #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #drugs cw #death mention
I feel like this is the kind of conversation that would make @wayward-sidekick go “no no no wrong wrong WRONG”
Because saying “I’m fine” in response to being asked how you’re doing is only supposed to happen if you’re trying to avoid a conversation. That’s how polite answers work! You use them to make the other person stop trying to speak to you, basically.
If you’re asked how you’re doing by someone you’re trying to start a conversation with, you never say just “fine”. You give a descriptive sentence or two. You try to optimise that sentence for containing as many potential things to talk about as possible, in the hopes that the other person will find one of them interesting enough to ask about.
If I were asked how I was doing by a stranger right now, I’d say “I’m doing pretty good! I recently got back from a trip to [visa country redacted] with an American friend of mine because I was interviewing for a visa.”
With the obvious potential follow up questions being:
When did you get back?
How was your stay in [visa country]?
Have you been to [visa country] before / do you like it there?
Who’s your friend / why did they go with you?
How did the interview go / did you get approved?
Which country are you travelling to?
What kind of visa did you get?
etc etc etc
There is no question you can ask someone who says they’re fine. “fine” kills a conversation. That’s its job. Like, you can’t even ask someone “why are you fine?” the way you can ask “why are you happy/sad/angry?”
There is just… Literally no worse way to attempt a conversation. But people do this all the time. I don’t get it at all. But, like, if you actually want to talk to your mutuals more, consider… Not choosing literally the worst response to a question that you can.
This has been Moderate Social Competence with Alison.
I just realized I answer that question like that, all the time, even when I want to talk to he person, because… somehow I internalized the idea that talking about good things in my life is bragging and talking about bad things is complaining; I’m supposed to talk to the other person about their life.
This runs into problems when both people in the conversation have this idea.
Oh, wow, yes. That would definitely run into a problem.
The ideal is for both of you to talk about your lives. The Social Optimum is something like 50/50, but it can depend a lot on who’s the better storyteller and who’s the better listener in a given situation.
(Though, like, it’s important to note that being the better listener isn’t the Important Virtuous Role to take. People like listening to good storytellers. Ideally you want to be good at both of these things so you can swap roles a lot.)
If you aren’t sure who should do what and the other person isn’t going first, you probably want to start by giving the other person opportunities to ask about your life. Then you talk a bit about what they asked about before asking them if they have any related experiences.
Examples:
You: […] and that’s why I don’t like coffee. Person: Yeah, me neither. You: What drinks do you like, then?
or
You: […] and I really don’t understand why someone would like golf in the first place. Person: I like golf! You: You do? What do you like about it?
or
You: […] and I can’t believe he’d just leave like that! Person: Yeah, that sucks. You: Has anything like that happened to you before?
So, like, things in that general vein. You always want to be able to get the other person to talk sometimes, and this is a great way to lead into it. Especially because most people are more comfortable talking about their own lives if you’ve opened up first (especially if it’s a similar topic).
And, if someone has just finished telling you about something in their life, it’s usually nice to respond by talking about similar things in your own life so it seems like you’re ~relating~. The major exception to this is situations where it might seem like you’re one-upping the other person by talking about your own thing.
Actually, I feel the opposite of called out right now.
See, I internalised much the same idea as robustcornhusk, but not “somehow”: I was actually explicitly told to always respond to “How are you?” with “Fine.” I’ve seen multiple socialisation PSAs to the effect of:
“Nobody actually cares how you’re doing, or if they do it’s only by pure coincidence. ‘How are you’/’Fine’ is a ritualised call-and-response greeting, not a literal question/answer pair. Only ignorant autistics or pedantic assholes treat ‘How are you?’ as an actual question to be given an actual answer, and someone who acts like a pedantic asshole–intentionally or unintentionally–is not someone other people want to be around.”
(Of course, the sort of people who think this is rude are also the sort of people who won’t tell you that to your face. I don’t think I’ve ever even heard such PSAs from anyone who knew me personally, just in general broadcasts.)
I usually do still give informative answers to “How are you?” when I’m looking to start a conversation, and (to bring in another branch) I do use recent interesting events from my life as conversation starters. But I do it because, of the options available to someone at my level of social competence, it’s the least of all evils. (Hell if I know how the PSA-writers start their conversations. Probably something too subtle for me to pull off.) I generally have a lingering awareness that this is the Wrong Thing To Do.
#I was just telling my parents this story! #(we were talking about IoT security) #I’m not convinced that this particular incident actually happened #but the fact that it’s even remotely plausible is a bad sign #(I saw a non-password-locked refrigerator network while out Wi-Fi mapping recently) #(it was too faint to try though) #(and a lot of ””open”” networks just ask you for a password anyway the first try you try to load something with them) #(especially residential ones) #(so it might actually have been locked for all I know)
Your fetish is the main topic of a two hours long movie where it’s applied to the whole world. There’s no sexy time, the whole movie is about the financial and societal consequences on your fucked up fetish on society.
Oppressive [Light Is Not Good] oligarchic dystopia…. but that’s pretty damn hot; you can just leave details to the imagination. Could range from less creepy (everybody’s just LARPing!) to creepy/hot mind-screw (modifying people to enthusiastically consent??!).
it’s really boring because there’s no conflict as everyone is satisfied with things, also there’s half an hour of exposition to explain how the fuck things are able to happen, like how people can keep giving birth to the same people multiple times, and other logistical issues
Everything takes five times as long because whatever you do, the recipient has to describe in eye-wateringly explicit detail what it’s like and how good it is.
Your boss spends half her time standing behind you, murmuring what a GOOD worker you are, go on, add another column to that spreadsheet, YES, just like that…
Society could not keep functioning if my main fetish were real. Too many deaths too fast, humanity itself would probably go extinct soon afterwards. Vore is so good tho, it’d be worth it
#okay so I’m conflating some stuff here #to create a world where my fetish isn’t routine you wouldn’t actually have to remove sleep entirely #just (”just”) tweak human neurology to have a much sharper line between consciousness and unconsciousness #or hell you could even keep dreaming in #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #rape tw #(for preceding posts)
All the gods of myth and legend are real, but having your prayers answered depends on discovering which god can hear you. You figured out which god is listening to your prayers, but they’re not what you expected.
Suzy was dissapointed. Most people her age had discovered their deity so far, and she was starting to think she was godless. She turned the next page of McBayers’ Little Book of Deities, and tried reading their names aloud to see if she’d get a reaction. It had taken her weeks just to get through Chinese spirits and deities, and had finally reached the first page of Egyptian Gods and you.
“Ammit? Amun? Anhur?” Nothing. Her heart slowly sank again.Three more tries, and she’d stop for now.
“Anubis?”
The ground shook. The lights in Suzy’s room flickered and went out. A single flame hovered in the middle of the room, and as it grew to a blaze it changed form. Within the blink of an eye, there was a tall figure standing in Suzy’s room. The body of a man, and the head of a jackal. His eyes shone bright as he peered at her.
WHAT IS IT, SUZY OF THE HOUSE MILLER?
“You’re the deity that answers my prayers?”
INDEED. I, ANUBIS, WHO RULES OVER THE LAND OF THE DEAD, IS HERE TO ANSWER YOUR REQUESTS.
Suzy thought for a moment. “O great and mighty Anubis who rules over the afterlife, can I please have a puppy?”
Anubis seemed taken aback.
IN THE CENTURIES THAT I HAVE BEEN PRAYED TO, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN REQUESTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS. CHILD, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
“I’m eight and a half. My mommy says that if I can take care of a puppy, I can keep it.”
ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU DO NOT WISH FOR ME TO BRING PLAGUES UPON YOUR ENEMIES OR WEIGH A SOUL FOR YOU?
Suzy shook her head. “I want a puppy.”
CHILD, IN TRUTH THIS WISH I CANNOT GRANT. MY JOB HAS BEEN TO BRING PEACE AND LEAD SOULS INTO THE AFTERLIFE, NOTHING MORE. IF I WERE TO CREATE A HOUND FOR YOU, IT WOULD BE FORMED OF BONE AND SOUL ALONE.
Suzy thought for a second. She would have liked to have a nice fluffy puppy, but then she remembered how Aunt Marge’s Sphinx cat was still nice, even without fur.
“No fur is fine, as long as they don’t bite and make a mess.”
Anubis nodded, and raised a hand. Underneath his palm an intricate symbol appeared on the floor. It glowed bright, and the floorboards burst apart. Up sprang a massive skeletal dog, bigger than suzy herself. Its eye sockets held blue flame, and its jaw hang partly open in a perpetual grin. It slowly walked over to Suzy and nuzzled her.
“What does it eat?”
IT WILL NOT NEED SUSTENANCE, AND WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO SERVE ITS NEW MASTER. I HOPE THIS WILL SUFFICE.”
“I love it. Thank you, Anubis.”
Anubis looked slightly taken aback, but nodded peacefully.
FAREWELL FOR NOW, SUZY OF THE MILLERS. IF YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE BUT TO ASK ME.
Suzy nodded, and ran over to her parents’ room to show them her new dog. She was pretty sure they couldn’t object to this pet.
I can’t help but imagine her parent’s reaction to this. “OH SUZY WHAT DID YOU DO?!” “It’s my new puppy. Can I keep it?”
if this gets enough popularity I just might write a sequel or two. Hell, I could even make a multi-chapter deal out of this if people are genuinely interested in reading it.
I want to read so many of these with so many different gods and people.
