the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
Also, look- a dragon can go fuck whatever it wants, right?
But how many of those planetars or giants or whatever are then gonna head off and compose a majestic and memorable canticle about how great that dragon was in the sack?
tbh the only evidence i need that harry’s a gryffindor is the fact that he kept going back to the forbidden forest after voldemort tried to kill him, aragog tried to eat him, lupin turned into a wolf and attacked him, the dementors tried to kiss him, barty crouch was murdered and turned into a bone, umbridge was kidnapped by centaurs,, boy had to die in that forest before he stopped going back
we have no evidence he stopped
Harry James Potter, deep in the forbidden forrest, fully aware of the centaur archers watch on him, followed by a string of spiders, the ghosts of death eaters killed in the battle of hogwarts circling his head as they wail for his blood: lovely day for a picnic
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#Harry Potter #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #death tw
(Specifically, I’m in the one-year† accounting certificate program. This then leads into the two-year† advanced accounting certificate, and from there a bachelor’s.)
I’m coming up on the end of this semester, and next semester I’m going to take a course (microeconomics) that–though mandatory for accounting–doesn’t fit into any of my remaining slots for a CS program, so I figured it was time.
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†”Year” here being a standardised unit of measurement meaning “10 courses”. At my current part-time rate I expect it will take me about two years to get the first-level certificate.
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#adventures in University Land #oh look an original post #oh look an update #a couple nights ago #(after I’d already decided to do this) #Mom and I were talking about how my ”first job” was accounting data-entry #when I was a pre-teen Dad would give me a nickel for every receipt I typed into his household-expense-tracking program #”we should have known then” she said‚ only partly joking #(I wrote this draft a couple days ago) #(today I took my final exam for this course and signed up for econ) #((I didn’t *have* to do them in that order that’s just how it worked out)) #(I’m going to take a week off from school and then get a head start on reading the economics textbook) #(it’s an ebook so it’ll probably have arrived by then)
Look I DON’T CARE if I won’t haVE TIme FoR reading I WILL BRING MY BOOK ANYWAY cause having a book with you when you go somewhere is such a good feeling, OKAY?
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#yes this #I bring paper books a lot less often than I used to #(I’m more strongly germophobic now that I work at an outside-the-home non-freelance customer-facing job) #(there are never times anymore where I can just take a week off from my life with no knock-on effects) #(if I get sick every possible response involves letting a bunch of people down) #(including my future selves who needed those wages for food and shelter and stuff) #((yes of course I take the stay-home response)) #((I am neither amoral enough nor desperate enough to sink to such levels of evil)) #((and my boss gives out unpaid leave very freely as long as you tell him in advance or have a decent reason why you couldn’t have known)) #anyway my point was that paper books are kind of a pain to disinfect #and if you have a dedicated Outside Book you won’t make much progress in it because yeah there often *isn’t* time for reading #what I do have is a vast and ever-expanding archive stored on my smartphone #much of it in the form of text #and quite a bit of that in the form of ebooks #I agree that it’s not *quite* the same visceral feeling as clutching a chunk of paper to you #but I find it does manage to capture *most* of the comforting emotions #tag rambles #in which Brin has a job #Brin owns *two* 2010’s computers now #tangents #I guess I’m in a tag-rambly mood today
does anyone else have a Misophonic Anger Switch and a Misophonic Shame Switch that are triggered by totally different categories of sound? I just want to go up to evolution and ask it w hat
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#yes this #(I was gonna say I don’t know whether I qualify as misophonic) #(but then I looked it up and apparently nobody *else* knows who qualifies either‚ so) #((although with the anger one I’m not sure if it’s really *those* sounds)) #((or if I’m just very general-sound-sensitive right after eating dinner)) #church bells chiming out hymns manage to sound like unfulfilled obligations #sometimes I wonder if they do it deliberately to try to convince lapsed churchgoers to return #but the effect seems to get weaker the more familiar you are with the song #and lapsed churchgoers would presumably be pretty familiar with *all* the songs #so maybe not #(one time I was staying in a place within earshot of a church that chimed two hymns three times a day) #(and a person came door-to-door asking for signatures for a petition) #(about noise pollution) #(from the *trains*) #((however I was not the one who answered the door)) #((so I had no chance to tell him his noise-pollution priorities were sorely misplaced)) #tag rambles #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #misophonia
Brinens and Things 