sigmaleph:

amakthel:

mehveian:

droosy:

(bake me up) bake me up a pie / (one-third cup) of flour for our pie

How can you see into my pies / Like oven doors? / Leading you down into the store / Where we buy stuff for pie

Without a pie / My spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold / Until you find it there / And give it a pie

(bake me up) / bake me up a pie / (One third cup) / Of flour for our pie / (Save me) / Set the temp and save me from no pie 

(bake me up) / Bid my pie to bake / (one third cup) / Or else my heart will brake / (Save me) / Save me from not having any pie

Now that I know what I’m without / You can’t just leave me / Feed it to me a slice of pie / Bring me a pie

(bake me up) / bake me up a pie / (one third cup) / Of flour for our pie /         (Save me) / Set the temp and save me from not having any pie 

(bake me up) / Bid my crust to flake / (one third cup) / Or else my heart will brake / (Save me) / Save me from the not having any pie

Bring me a pie / (I’ve been living a lie, there’s not any pie) / Bring me a pie

Frozen a pie without your touch / Without your love, darling / Only you, all the pie among the cake

(All of this I, I can’t believe I couldn’t see) / (Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me) / I’ve been pieless a thousand years, it seems / Got to open my eyes to all the pie

(Without a crust) / (Without a pan, without filling) / (Don’t let me die here) / (We must be baking more) / Bring me a pie

(bake me up) / bake me up a pie / (one third cup) / Of flour for our pie / (Save me) / Call my name and save me from the pieless state I’m in

(bake me up) / Bid the pie to bake / (one third cup) / Or else my heart will brake / (Save me) / Save me from this hunger for a pie

Bring me a pie / (I’ve been living a lie, there’s absence of pie) / Bring me a pie

…i should sing this

doooo iiiiit


Tags:

#food #music #(I haven’t checked whether all of this scans properly) #(the parts where I know how the tune goes do scan at least)

{{previous post in sequence}}


angels-are-watching:

Can we please talk about how our history teacher sent a barbie to the smithsonian as proof of the presence of man two million years ago

 

bonequeer:

pleas,e for the love of God read the whole letter, there are tears streamign down my face rn

 

derinthemadscientist:

Can we please talk about how your history teacher has done this sort of thing enough times that he has his own specimen shelf in the Smithsonian

 

theverysarcasticscientist:

“yours in science” tho

 

sinesalvatorem:

“B. Clams don’t have teeth” is the part where I lost it.

 

stimmyabby:

@zozi-writes

 

coffiend-jackalope:

The letter says:

“Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.” We have gien this specimen a careful and detailed examination and regret to inform you that we disagree with you theory that it represents ‘conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.’ Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the ‘Malibu Barbie’. It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:

  1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
  2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
  3. The dentition patters evident on the ‘skull’ is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ‘ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams’ you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
  • A) The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
  • Clams don’t have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it’s normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly , we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name ‘Australopithecus spiff-arino.’ Speaking personally, I for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to or nation’s capital that you proposed in you last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the ‘trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix’ that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe

Curator, Antiquities”

—————————————————————————————————-

(sorry if there are misspellings or wrong wordings. this was long and i was reading it off my phone)

 

logic-and-art:

“I for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.“

 

moonlitmoor:

@glumshoe

 

smithsonian:

We give a lot of credit to whoever wrote this, but we can say with certainty that we haven’t been given any Barbie doll heads for our paleoanthropology department. (@amhistorymuseum​ does have plenty of Barbies, all with bodies too.)

But we have been offered some interesting things over the years. A few examples: a corn flake in the shape of Illinois, a two-legged dog, and the world’s longest beard.

We took the beard.

Yours in science,

The Smithsonian


Tags:

#can’t say I’m surprised #but then this was never really about the literal truth value anyway #you’ve probably seen this before #Tumblr traditions #(pre-Tumblr traditions too) #(I looked it up and apparently this letter dates back to 1994) #oh look an update

Things I’ve always wondered

zionistsaturnoutpost:

manyspirks:

swanjolras:

eshusplayground:

  1. A gentile vampire turns a promising Torah scholar into a vampire. Is the scholar still permitted to study Torah? Are they still under the yoke of the mitzvot? How does vampirism impact observant Jewish practice? Are they still Jewish, or are they apostates? Would it be permissible for the scholar to turn other people into vampires to cure them of terminal illnesses?
  2. To what degree are Jewish werewolves morally responsible for their actions while under the influence of the full moon? What must they do if they eat treyf in their wolf form?
  3. If, for some reason, we must leave earth for another inhabitable planet on the other side of the galaxy, what do we do about holidays and observing Shabbat? Would we go by earth time or local time? What if this planet has no moon or more than one moon? How would we face Jerusalem to pray?
  4. Can aliens convert to Judaism? If so, does it only apply to humanoid aliens like the greys, or would reptilian aliens and ilithids be able to convert too?
  5. Can sentient machines like the Terminator convert to Judaism? What about Agents from The Matrix?
  6. Speaking of The Matrix, are we still obligated to obey the mitzvot even if we are literally brains in jars or living in a simulated reality created by computer programs? What happens if we’re freed and whatever basis for our Jewish identity we had is no longer present or certain. Are we still Jews? Do we still have a covenant?

speaking with my minimal scholarly experience but also opening this up for all jews to contribute:

1. i don’t see any reason why such a promising torah scholar shouldn’t be allowed to continue to study torah, but practicing judaism would be difficult: blood of all animals is probably treyf, and blood of humans is definitely treyf, so a jewish vampire would have to break mitzvot on a nearly constant basis to survive. however under pikuach nefesh i feel like were the vampire literally about to die, they could consume human or animal blood. therefore a jewish vampire would have to live in a state of starvation at all times, which would probably have a fascinating impact on his torah study.

2. a shoteh is not held responsible for their actions by human or divine courts. maimonides defines a shoteh as any mentally unstable person – for our purposes, a jewish werewolf in wolf form can probably be seen as under the influence of mental instability, and is not responsible for their actions under the law.

3. this is fascinating because when we face jerusalem in america, we face east – even though, physically speaking, jerusalem is somewhere under us, on the other side of the globe. for this reason i’m inclined to avoid the obvious answer, “face earth”. perhaps it would be possible to face, in general, the stars? going by “earth time” seems logistically impossible, since earth has 24 separate times. i think this will be a separate issue for every planet.

4. we are already a reptilian alien race, this question is moot.

5. if robots cannot convert to judaism i am quitting. more seriously: this seems like a good place for the analogy of the four children: the simple robot asks, “what is all this”, i.e., judaism, and you download information about it into his database; the wicked robot asks, “what does all this mean to you,” i.e., humans, and you reply, “we are doing a human thing; if you were a human, you would not be part of it, either”; the wise robot asks, “can you please explain the laws and customs of judaism to me, fellow sentients” and you do so and allow him to convert if he wishes it; and the robot who does not know enough to ask a question does not pass the turing test, so the point is moot.

6. oh yeah, we’d totally still be jews! it’s like finding out for sure there’s no god – maybe it’s gonna stop some people from practicing judaism, but not most of us.

@jewishrey this is relevant to your interests i believe

In re question #3, we have developed an app that calculates the relative location of Yerushalayim for all zmanim for our residents depending on their location. Occasionally this results in prayer being conducted facing downward or upward. Zmanim are determined by LST (local Saturn time).


Tags:

#Judaism #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”we are already a reptilian alien race. this question is moot.”)

What If We Just Gave Poor People a Basic Income for Life? That’s What We’re About to Test.

{{Title link: http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2016/04/14/universal_basic_income_this_nonprofit_is_about_to_test_it_in_a_big_way.html }}

theunitofcaring:

GiveDirectly’s launching a test of universal basic income!!!!!!!!! They’re doing it properly, giving money to everyone in the selected communities and committing to do that for 10-15 years. And they’re good at rigorous data collection. And if this works, we can scale it up.


Tags:

#interesting #(I know I’m not being as effusive as most of the others reblogging this) #(mostly because it’s hard to wrap my head around) #(but I can manage ”interesting”) #((and I can manage a smile at the mention of the Canadian Liberal party)) #((my vote for them didn’t actually *affect* anything because of fucking first-past-the-post)) #((but the fact remains that I voted for them)) #universal basic income

Wait, so let me get this straight.

Consenting in advance to someone having sex with you while you’re unconscious is invalid, because it’s not truly consent if you’re not able to revoke it and back out partway through.

Consenting in advance to someone performing surgery on you while you’re unconscious and can’t back out, on the other hand, is totally fine.


Tags:

#today in internally inconsistent anti-kink arguments #(well not technically today) #(I don’t actually have a specific example in mind here) #(just the general type) #(every so often I poke around somnophilia communities) #(in hopes of coming across a kindred spirit who fell in with a different crowd) #(haven’t found any yet but I have found an awful lot of arguments about whether consensual intercourse with sleeping people is possible) #nsfw? #sexuality and lack thereof #vagueblogging #(maybe) #oh look an original post #I feel like this probably deserves some additional warning tag but I’m not sure what

ilzolende:

I say this both from an SJ and an anti-SJ standpoint: There are actually lots of things more annoying than being told that traits and experiences you have don’t exist, but it’s still pretty annoying.

original post


Tags:

#yes this #(”five bucks says she denies my existence in the first five minutes!”)

this is a harvest mouse appreciation post

selenographics:

neonthebright:

creatorofuniverses:

zoeykoko-chu:

Harvest Mouse 1

literally the cutest animal ever in history look at this lil fuzz

Harvest Mouse 2

tiny bean ! friendly bean

Harvest Mouse 3

they climb on basically everything. probably to get closer to kiss u

Harvest Mouse 4

if this mouse gets any more disney than this it will probably break out into song

Harvest Mouse 5

just look at this tiny nugget !!!

Harvest Mouse 6

harvest mice use their tails for stability while climbing but also to be unnecessarily cute. this deters predators

Harvest Mouse 7

tiny feet !!!!! tiny toes !

Harvest Mouse 8

momma with itty puffs

Harvest Mouse 9

kisses !! 1 hit KO

Harvest Mouse 10

they are literally too small how dare

Harvest Mouse 11

harvest mice !!!

Harvest Mouse 12

harvest mice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harvest Mouse 13

harv e s t  m i c e  !! ! !!!

Harvest Mouse 14

thankyou for your time

@neonthebright

OH

Tired stressed frustrated blaaaAAAAGHHHH  GODAMMIT I will reblog this Harvest Mouse Appreciation post it is all I have ever needed in life.


Tags:

#mouse #adorable

baroksleg:

baroksleg:

i had a dream last night where the hot new trend was making “monksona”s which was basically just like … urself. but as a medieval monk

in the dream i went way into the details of mine but i forgot it all? I think I was a Cistercian brother in west Germany. and i did a lot of calligraphy but my latin was bad so i mainly copied things.

this meme was so serious in my head i got so into it man

#mine would be like gregor mendel but he can also do parkour (x)

i knew telling this website about this dream was a good idea

#mine is an offensive OCD stereotype who solves crimes (itsbenedict)


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #thank you for that tag Benedict #Monk