My name is John Smith. I guess you could say I used to be an ‘ordinary bloke’; a little bit on the awkward side with a boring job and a small flat next to the pub. A year ago I saw a box falling right out of the sky, and then a woman coming out of the box. She called herself the Doctor. She was ginger, she talked a lot and she took my hand and we started running. We haven’t stopped since.
She calls me ‘her stupid idiot’. She hates my clothes. I don’t know what I would do without her.
This is a tardigrade, also known as a”water bear” or “moss piglet.” It is probably the coolest fucking microscopic life form that you’ve never heard of. Besides looking like miniature, animatronic gummy bears, tardigrades can live at temperatures close to absolute zero. Before you Google what absolute zero is, it’s -459.67 degrees Fahrenheit ( −273.15° on the Celsius scale ). That’s pretty fucking cold. Anyways, tardigrades are tiny little living things that eat shit inside of mosses and whatnot. They can survive in any environment (including outer space), are able to go without water for up to 10 years, and are like a million bajillion years old (they originated in the Cretaceous period for you kids that understand whatever that means).
I LOVE WATER BEARS! I found one in the WCC lake. They’re like see through and they gots wittle toes and they’re so micro you just wanna cuddle the shit out of it.
Does any one else notice that they can survive space and have been around for millions of years and the first several letters of their name are T A R D I…. Or is it just me seeing instances of Dr. Who everywhere?
For the record, I knew of their existence prior to this post.
– Milo
I knew about them too. Does Animal Planet still show The Most Extreme? I loved that show. It taught me that water bears exist and that for any animal you can think of, there is at least one horror movie about said animal. (Though I don’t actually remember what horror movie clip they showed to introduce the water bear segment.)
Brinens and Things 